Years ago, online dating involved long questionnaires, patience and a lot of it. At least that’s what it looks like from the movies I’ve watched. However, with technology progressing so rapidly apps have been created that have simplified the process and waiting time. With a gender preference, location update and a photo or two we have access to thousands of people within seconds. While on paper that sounds incredible it couldn’t be further from the truth.
I have spoken at length about online dating apps with my girlfriends countless times. There are arguments that suggest that online dating is an accurate reflection of the dating world in real life. We would only talk to someone who we deem attractive in real life much like we would only swipe on someone we find attractive. Others suggest that some individuals might not look as great on paper (or in this case a screen) than they do in person and we shouldn’t be as judgmental. I agree with both, I am still judgmental though, sue me. This part of online dating isn’t what concerns me at all, not in the slightest.
My questions and annoyances about online dating come after the match has been made. Online dating is a completely different world. It’s a world where emotions are not in the least appreciated, respect is virtually non-existent and being judgmental is a pre-requisite to signing up. We as humans have become disposable through sometimes no error of our own.
I guarantee everyone’s dating apps look remarkably similar. A bunch of matches that have amounted to nothing. A single sentence, word or emoji determines the fate of the relationship within a millisecond. We will sometimes leave conversations completely unread, we sometimes won’t even engage in conversations in order for a match to be activated, and sometimes we will even allow it get to text messaging stage before we just stop replying.
A few days ago I caught myself exhibiting the behaviour I hate most. A match sent me a “Hey, how are you?” message and I internally groaned “ew” and never replied, my immediate reaction was he was boring. Then I thought about it, if he had said that in real life it would have started a conversation, I wouldn’t have groaned and walked away.
I have noticed that there are a few red flags that I completely avoid on an app that I would run towards in real life. If a man comments on one of my photos or tells me how attractive they find me I immediately ignore them, okay? The worst one is the emoji use. I will stop talking to someone if they send me emojis, however, I give myself permission to start a conversation using only emojis and no words because I’m too lazy, worse I even copy and paste the same emoji sequence if there are a few matches to go through.
Apps have picked up that this kind of behavior must be the norm, now on bumble, you’re given a warning before you send something as dry as an emoji with a passive aggressive note suggesting you add a bit of thought, no thanks I’m fine I always think. Hinge capitalised on this and has gone back to the old questionnaire format. My friends would agree that we swipe far less right on hinge than we do on other apps but have a better success rate on Hinge. Is it because we deem these people we are matching with as humans because more personality is added to the profile?
There has only been a handful of times when I have put myself out there, and I have wanted the guy and the conversation to actually flourish. I can’t help but wonder if these are the only type of profiles we should be swiping on? The ones we generally want to work out or are interested in, not just who looks attractive.
I guess the question I have to ask is why do we not only waste our own time but the time of innocent and for all we know nice people? Is it just because we are either bored or are we are just wanting the validation that this person also wants me back.
As always ill keep you posted
– M x