The Nice GUy

Previously published August 29th 2018 on moderdaylovelessons

There is one guy at work who continually puts a smile on my face. We have an ongoing joke about tea. Apparently, I make mine wrong, it’s not my fault I like to add a bit (okay a lot) of milk. Upfront he asked me why I don’t fall for nice guys. “The nice ones never like me; maybe I’m just too much for them?” I said. As soon as it came out of my mouth, I knew it was a blatant lie. I think he knew it too. In fact, London especially has been filled with nice guys. Nice guys that I have repeatedly turned down.

As I walked home his question hung over my head. I couldn’t help but wonder just why I don’t go for the nice guy. I don’t think I could specifically argue a particular reason; there is definitely a variety of them. Ones I am not proud to admit either.

For starters; the challenge, in other words, the chase. The nice guy doesn’t make you chase them. They are upfront and kind but what fun is that? The challenge of a dickhead is exhilarating, nerve-wracking and all at the same heartbreaking.

Then comes the superficial reasons like compliments. A compliment coming from someone like Mr. London for some reason means more to us (girls like me) than coming from a nice guy, why though? The one facial feature I despise the most, my nose, Mr. London used as a line. The ability to use my vulnerability in his favor and for it to work- touché young man. However, when a nice guy compliments it’s genuine, but I guess as we don’t expect anything less from them, it goes in one ear and out the other. Before you judge, even I know that’s fucked up.

There is also no danger or risk of being hurt badly with a nice guy. There are no surprises. You know at the end of the day you’re getting that text to ask if you got home safe, and a text the next day to follow up if you’re okay. If a guy doesn’t do this you know he is the dickhead, but all of a sudden you want him 10x more, why? Because we hate the idea that we could have possibly lost the chase.

Since moving to London, I have had ridiculously high standards. A guy has had to fit this specific character and have certain traits that I have built in my head, traits that never include being nice and humorous. I threw out the idea of dating someone due to their personality and instead focused primarily on tracking down a good looking guy. The problem is I know I really shouldn’t have my standards so high, I mean who the hell do I think I am? I’m certainly no Victoria’s  Secret model.

Traditionally, my type is a pretty blue-eyed boy, who have all turned out to all be dicks. They (not all of them) but in my experience use their arrogance as their key move, almost in a ‘you should feel so lucky to be with me’ kind of way.

So I wonder when I start to open up to the idea of commitment, will I let myself fall for the nice guy? I mean my ex-boyfriends have not been as good looking as the guys I date, but is that a coincidence or an accurate reflection on a fact of life. That when we are not looking for someone special, we target people who we know are bad for us and therefore there is no risk of falling for them long term.

I guess at the end of the day, I have judged Mr. London and his actions but am I much better? Am I the dickhead in disguise for only chasing him because of his looks and not much else?

As always ill keep you posted

–M x

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